9 Ways to Handle Performance Anxiety in Long-Timers
Feeling anxious about your sex life? These tips can help you chill out and feel more at ease.
1. Talk About It
Talk to your partner. Sharing what's got you stressed can lighten the load.
2. Focus on Foreplay
Ease into intimacy with cuddling and gentle play. It takes the pressure off performance.
3. Try New Positions
Try new positions. Experimenting can keep things light and distract from worries about timing or technique.
4. Use Lube
Use lube for smoother moves, which can boost your confidence and ease any physical stress.
5. Set a Calming Scene
Set a cozy mood with soft lights, candles, and music to help you both unwind into the moment.
6. Remember You're Loved
Remind each other that sex is about connecting. Focus on affection over performance goals.
7. Pace Yourself
Take it slow. Enjoy tender moments and let yourselves feel comfortable in your skin.
8. Consider Therapy
Talking things out with a therapist can give you new tools to tackle anxiety.
9. Practice Self-Care
Taking care of your overall health—exercise, good food, managing stress—can naturally boost confidence.
Reading up on the psychology behind sex and relationships might offer additional insights and strategies to manage performance anxiety.
- Mating in Captivity — Esther Perel · why desire and domesticity quietly fight — and how to keep both.
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman · the research-backed habits that actually predict a relationship lasting.
- Attached — Amir Levine · the attachment-style book that explains why you reach or pull away.
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