8 Surprising Ways to Break Free From Performance Anxiety During Sex
Find some simple tricks that help you chill out and enjoy those intimate moments more.
1. Practice Mindfulness
Stay here, now. Don't sweat the future. Try some breath work or meditation before getting busy.
2. Communicate Openly
Chat with your partner about how you feel. It makes both of you feel safe and less worried.
3. Shift Focus Away From Performance
Go for pleasure, not just the finish line. Enjoy the ride, not just the destination.
4. Try Different Positions
Some positions might naturally calm you down. Try different ones to find what feels best.
5. Use Sensory Play
Do relaxing stuff that isn't sex—like a nice bath or a massage—to get in the mood without thinking too much.
6. Set Gentle Goals
Instead of aiming for performance, set goals like extra foreplay or trying something new.
7. Visualize Success
Before you start, imagine good things happening and how great it feels to beat your anxiety. This can boost your confidence.
8. Seek Professional Help
If anxiety is really bad, a sex therapist can help with tailored tips and support.
Considering exploring books on mindfulness or communication skills for more tips.
- Come As You Are — Emily Nagoski · the science of desire, especially responsive desire — a genuine myth-buster.
- She Comes First — Ian Kerner · a frank, practical classic on female pleasure.
- Better Sex Through Mindfulness — Lori Brotto · evidence-based work on attention, arousal and getting out of your head.
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